The Transition

  Written in February: God blessed me; I am back at school this semester! It's crazy how much growth (spiritually and physically) I've had in the past few weeks. Being back in La Crosse has been amazing and extremely challenging. On one hand I get to see all of my dear friends and have a community and actually DO things in life! On the flip side though, I am doing things and the pace of a college student (and a doer like me) is much quicker than what I was prepared for. God quickly taught me that I need to open up about the current challenges and not ignore them. It is amazing how far I've come in three months but that doesn't dismiss challenges right now.

I have a better grip on how to live my life here during this transition period. I don't know a whole lot, but I do know that God is with me and will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5). He is all I need.

Physically the challenge is working out everyday, walking all around campus and the implants being tender with all the activity and sitting in class. It's normally nothing terrible, just over time can be taxing. I am filled with so much joy to be back here. It is so wonderful. I get to take classes that I love and be involved in things that have an eternal impact. I am so excited for the continued healing and to see where this road will take me!

week 8!!!

Progress continues, praise the Lord! I've got a long road a head of me and I know it's not going to be easy. I think its possible though! I've seen how far I've come in 2 months and I am so excited to see how far I will get in the next two months!!

This song has always been on my inspirational playlist, sometimes doing physical therapy indefinitely got tiresome. I'd listen to this song and know I had to keep fighting. I have to keep fighting so others can see what Jesus can do in their lives.

I saw the Doctor last week, I am now able to freely MOVE MY SPINE! Super cool. I feel so much better being able to move and bend! I'm driving better and can even drive with my stimulator on now. I am back to wearing real clothes that are not sweats. I don't need to sleep so much AND I get to start physical and occupational therapy in january. I'm stoked to see the recovery of movements and my body.

One problem with the surgery was that I was clearly mostly bed ridden for sometime and that actually makes my nerve condition worse. The less you use it the more it hurts. So I am trying to walk on the treadmill 10 minutes a day to try and get my leg movement back. I'll be moving a lot more when I go back to school so I'm sure in 4 weeks I'll be ready....ish. hahah

I feel so blessed, and my heart is filled this holy time of year! I'm looking forward to seeing my loved ones and close friends in the next couple of weeks. I'm getting my energy back and I'm ready for therapy and getting back to experimenting what I can do. I know the training is going to be tough, but I do believe God has beautiful plans and is going to make beauty out of all of this. I don't question that, I am just excited to see what that will look like and the adventures that will take place. And as always, I appreciate all of your support and prayers. and special shout out to my wonderful dear friend Alexa, who came to visit me for a few days this week. The time with her really encouraged me and I enjoyed being with my friends again!

"fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

 "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

-Romans 5:3-5

Random recovery updates

Almost done with week 5 here! Its still so foreign being alone all the time, hardly any human contact through out my days. but i've just been abiding in God and knowing that there is a purpose to this point in my life. I have actually been able to read a bunch of the books that have been on my list but business of life had kept me from. Books are my new friends haha

I saw my pain doctor yesterday. Im doing so well that we are starting to decrease all my pain medications (very slowly).  Today is my first day! I am so excited to see how low i can go! Ideally i won't even need them at all. 

Today was the first day i showered and got dressed all by myself. Annnddd i did it just fine. :))  i can now drive-feeling semi normal.  So much more independence!!  it helps that i can do these things when people aren't here during the day. I can taste freedom! haha

I'm looking forward for everyone's semester to be over! Then Vonny will be  back home with me keeping me company. Plus wonderful people will be visiting!! (12 days till I'm reunited with my dear Alexa oberempt)

As always thanks for your prayers and support- I'm already feeling a lot better!

week 4

My sister is home! Thank goodness, I could really use her presence right now. It's nice having the whole family together and actually not being alone all the time. Thanksgiving was super low key because we just stayed here with me recovering.

As far as recovery goes, I have been in a stand still. It's testing my patience but I know it'll get there. It's just been a rough week. No improvement and a lot of problems sleeping. Last night I was in bed 12 hours and slept a total of 5. I'm holding onto hope and not letting myself go down the 'what if' road about my future. Things have definitely been turning around tonight. I'm in a lot less pain then I have been in the past 5 or so days. And the next few days i'll be having a lot more visitors so that'll be exciting and I won't be alone all day :))

Also, my friend Jason is a communications major and wrote an article on me and my nerve condition for a project. Part of his project is the amount of hits he gets so please check out this link, its not a long one or anything.
http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1064463
I know he'd appreciate it and it might explain the story to some of you who don't know it all.

Week 2 Appointment

This week I am in a lot less discomfort. I can start to stay in positions that are comfortable so I have been able to read now which makes the days go by a lot faster. With more mobility I have been in less pain and see that this surgery really is a success!

I have a long road to full recovery ( I cannot even start physical therapy for 2 months), but I have already seen that ways that the implants have improved my life. Today my left leg felt exactly like my right leg! I'm hoping that is a new trend that continues to stay. We are still working on fixing the shoulder complications but I can't do occupational therapy on my scapula until the 2 month mark as well. Fortunately, they were able to add a new program to my simulator that is able to reach more of my shoulder area.

I went back to Northwestern today for my two week appointment (the drive was less painful than the last time PTL). They took the stitches out from where the wire used to come out of me, and took off all the glue and tape on my other sutures. All is well and it's amazing how much scaring he saved me by stitching me up on the inside of my body. I can't really do anything different than I could last week, my restrictions won't be lifted off until the 6 week mark.

I just need to take this time to recover and make sure everything heals properly into place. Luckily, I have plenty of books and Spanish games to keep me company while my friends are away! haha Things are going well and this week i will receive my digital copies of the x rays and post them on here :))

I watched a documentary (beware of Christians) where these Christian guys go backpacking around Europe in search of what it really looks like to live for Jesus and not just listen to what the American church and the society tells us. They came up with some interesting points and draw conclusions for themselves. Even though its hard, they live that way. They live that way because its worth it.

In a way this recovery/semester off has been teaching me the same things. I am taken out of the typical society, i have no specific "group or tittle" in life right now.  I have a lot of alone time, and in that time in that I used to be apprehensive, I have been able to come the God. I've been able to spend a lot of time meditating when I couldn't read and now reading the Bible again. That's solely where I have found my answers and my strength. It's incredible. I knew God was going to heal me this semester, I had no idea He would be able to heal and change so many aspects of my life. Taking this semester off was one of the hardest but best decisions of my life. A lot more healing and recovery to go but I have reached a new step in my faith and it gives me so much joy, even though I still am in pain.

11/17 update

Recovery has been going well these last couple of days! I am still in pain from the new metal in my body and from my  problems with my scupula/ribs, but things are still healing. My back is still pretty swollen especially around the battery pack but I guess it takes a while for you body to adjust to foreign objects in my body lol.

 The wonderful La Crosse girls (Siobhan, Jennifer and Darion) came to my home yesterday!! They just left here tonight to get to make sure Jen makes it to her concert bright and early tomorrow morning. I was just filled with such joy; they are driving home in the middle of the night, just to make sure they could spend time with me. Jen was not going to let anything get in her way from seeing me while I'm healing, and Jen is a pretty stubborn. I love those girls so much!! :)

They kept me company, I want out in public with them to goodwill and they were just such a blessing to me. my pain is always best distracted when I am surrounded by loving people. On friday, before they came to visit, Holly came over to catch up and spend time with me as well!  I have so many loving people in my life that take the time (and gas) to come visit me. I'm so grateful!

I was also able to to leave the house and worship tonight! I am not physically feeling all too well tonight, but I'm over filled with joy. And I get to see some more wonderful friends tomorrow! God's so good. I'm learning so much. It's ridiculous :)

Once again, thank you for the prayers. I really appreciate them, especially not knowing what things are going to look like after these months of healing.

I don't have another surgery this friday anymore! So I got that going for me. haa It's all the recovery from here. I'm kind of sick of it...which is unfortunate because I've still got a long way to go. haha I'm thinking the worst of it is over now though :))

I shouldn't be allowed to start occupational and physical therapy for 2 months. Doc wants all the metal and implants to be set in/healed more. Unfortunately, this week we have had some minor complications. My shoulder is not stabilized much at all. I haven't used it much so the muscles that hold my left scapula in place are really weak. Now that I'm moving my arm around again my scapula moves out of place.This is hurting/rubbing up against some of my ribs and then sometimes my spine. It hurts to breathe, on top of the complications of my disease (which can make it difficult to breathe as well). I don't really know what to think about it. The women who checks in on me everyday said to be logging it, talk about it at my appointment on tuesday and go to an urgent care if it gets really bad. I've had much worse hah She think's I may need to start physical therapy sooner. Little unfortunate to have this added to my pain but if it means on the road to getting better I'll take it!

I'm still sore but I'm moving around pretty well, probably doing too much just because I am not one to sit still. I try really hard if that counts. Surgeries really screw with you; mentally and physically. It can be exhausting. That's why I haven't wanted to write these past couple days. However, I continue to improve and become more self sufficient. (I put on my sweats to day by myself!)

This road to recovery is going to be a long journey, and not just from surgery but from my disease. It's kind of like world war two, I've got two wars I'm fighting hahah. One on each side. But I win both of them, so that's what matters ;) For some reason I was under the impression it would be an instant change. Don't get me wrong the implants are already helping but I still have some fighting to do.

I made a list of things I want to try if I feel better. After the surgeries I realized I had fixated too much on doing all these things. I had to give it up to God; yes these are all good things/goals, but they are still worldly things. God is all I need. I have been able to find so much joy in Him. No matter what the circumstance I've been learning to be able to find that joy and fixate on that.

I'm a runner at heart. I want to run a marathon, or half marathon, or be able run at all. It feels like I've been in a marathon these past four years. I can finally see the finish line; its making me antsy. I will finish the race strong, not knowing what's beyond that finish line, but knowing that I won't be alone. Time to get excited 

" Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." - 1 Corinthians 9:24-25

" I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy 4:7